A Silent Yearning
by falala
Summary: Takes place during the 17 months gap. Ichigo's sleepless nights and Rukia's reason for not visiting him... Ichiruki one-shot. First ichiruki fic :). Enjoy!


**A/N: So I was on tumblr again... looking up my fav tags like ichiruki and ginran... when I came across someone's headcanon about the 17 month gap. Um since it was so far back... I forgot to take note on who it was ): but this story was inspired by that person's tidbit on what may have transpired between rukia and ichigo ... anyway i just borrowed the idea and flew away with it :$**

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**Silent Yearning**

Ichigo had been struggling to fall asleep for the past two hours. The nights before, he had dreams about Rukia. This cycle didn't stop. The dreams itself were not the problem, it was waking up. In his dreams, she was there with him. In reality, there was no trace of her. The orange-haired boy continued to roll around on his bed. His lengthy frame was too tall for his bed, the boy had simply outgrown his own bed. It had been that long since he last saw her. He usually did not care about such petty things but since he couldn't fall asleep, his mind couldn't help but find things to think about other than Rukia.

Another sigh. Another flop. Another position.

Ichigo was restless and tired. Sleep deprivation caused him to dwell more into his thoughts, logically or not. He ended up thinking about why she hadn't even visited once since he lost his powers. The least she could have done was send a message through Inoue, Iishida, Urahara, Yoruichi, or even his own father. Anyone. She could have chosen anyone. But no, she never showed up.

Even though she wasn't in charge of that area, it didn't mean that she couldn't visit. Shinigamis get vacations right? Or so he thought. Just the other day he had told his friend that he didn't miss her and that she didn't even belong in this world to begin with. But that was all bull. What his friend said was true and deep down, Ichigo felt the same way, no matter how pathetic it sounded. He missed her.

He tried to be mature. He tried to move on. But deep within himself, he couldn't just let her go. It was inescapable. The bond that they shared isn't something that should just be a memory. It deserved more, which leads to why this boy was having trouble sleeping.

Did Rukia really not care as much anymore? Did this bond between them fade? What happened?

His nightmares taunted him. In it, she forgot who he was. Without his powers, there was no use for her to be next to him. But even without any power, they have become more than just friends, more than a mentor and pupil. He always had the utmost respect for her because she was that person who changed his world. Without her, he was just some kid who can see ghosts. With her, he was a hero, savior, and protector. She made him better and he wanted to be better. Now, he felt useless.

Depression was drowning him and he couldn't even talk to the one person he relied on. It was all just frustrating.

The normal life was not his calling.

He forced his eyes shut. He had to face tomorrow _again without her_. This is what he always told himself every night.

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"Are you sure you don't want to drop by? I mean you can get in that gigai again and spend a day with him." Renji asked the small dark haired girl.

She shook her head slowly. "I can't..." She replied.

"You know how he is right now... he's depressed without you." He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. "He misses you." He didn't like these kind of talks but two of his closest friends are miserable. He understood their relationship and despite his own feelings, he had to be supportive.

She sighed heavily as she hunched down and started drawing on the dirt.

"I can't, he needs to learn to move on... and Urahara-san destroyed my gigai by accident." Rukia admitted.

"Why are you two being difficult?" He mumbled to himself.

Renji was too busy rambling on that he didn't notice that his friend had been wiping tears since the mention of Ichigo. Once he finally realized, his body jolted and kicked her. Her body flew straight ahead and ruined her bunny drawings with her drag marks.

"EH?" She questioned as she dusted off her uniform.

"This is when I know something is really wrong. You didn't even kick or attack me back..." Renji pointed out.

"Look, I can't show up because this is the way that it was supposed to be. I dragged him through everything for Soul Society's peace-keeping stuff. We've been through so much.." She was starting to choke up. Her eyes were swelling with tears but her voice continued to push through. "So much... and now... if I go back to check on him. He wouldn't even notice my presence..."

This hurt her more than anything. Ichigo had always known when she was around, he had always found his way to her. Now he couldn't even tell the difference between her and air.

She knew how important she was to him and he knew how important he was to her. "And when the most valuable person to you cannot even recognize you, it hurts more than a thousand lashes..." Her tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I'd rather have my last memory of him staring at me than having it tainted with him not knowing I'm there."

Renji could only watch as his childhood friend finally let it all out.

After a couple of minutes of silence, he decided to shove her in the right direction, literally. Her small frame went wobbling towards the gateway.

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY MORON!" She pulled herself together.

He just shrugged and left her alone. If she had hit him back then he could say she was moving on and let her be. But she stood there staring at the gateway to the human world, forever wishing she could be with him again.

Renji sighed as he turned the corner and he was greeted with a foot in his face.

"OW what the hell?" He looked at the small girl with teary eyes.

She gave a small smile. "Thanks Renji."

"For what?" He replied. He wanted her to go back and see him but apparently his plan backfired.

"I'll see him again and he'll see me again, but in time. Let's go, Captain Commander called for a meeting."

Renji stood there confused but followed her anyway. He won't ever understand that relationship those two share, even if he studied it for a lifetime. But her being hopeful is hell of a lot better than her being depressed.

Once they got there, they were surprised to see Urahara.

"Oy, what are you doing here?" Renji asked.

"I have a plan to get Ichigo's powers back." Renji stared back with wide-eyes. He could feel Rukia's happiness crushing everyone else's reiatsu.

"Tck, what a pain..." He mumbled to himself. Inwardly, he was happy but he'd never let that orange-haired idiot know just _how_ happy.

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**AN: One-shot I had but never uploaded until now (: hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to review (: (:**


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